Okay, well let me start by saying I am feeling WAY better than yesterday.
Oh you don’t know I felt like crap yesterday? That’s because I wrote, and re-wrote, and then RE-WROTE yesterdays post but couldn’t find a way to word how I was feeling in a way that I was okay with posting… it was way too dark, depressing, and honestly confusing. Not something I would have been proud to publish on my blog, no matter how I tried wording it!
I will share with you, now that I am a little more clearheaded, how I felt yesterday and my experience. Competing… oh man are there ever some ups and downs! I hate how I felt barely prepared for the emotional whirlwind that would just wreck my day, but today I’m feeling more awake, confident and happy. So that’s good.
Yesterday… I don’t even know where to begin. Well I lost weight yesterday, but I still had not hit my lowest of 152lbs and I still didn’t go lower than the day before’s gain.
Monday: 155lbs (Whyyyy!!!??? I hate random weight gains!)
So you see, I lost, but still not down where I wanted it. Anyways, that’s not what ruined my day.
I felt sick, I had a bit of a headache and I just COULD NOT get awake. I chugged coffee, probably over 1.5L of the stuff throughout the day just trying to get awake but the exhaustion (even though I had slept over 10 hours the night before) was so deep I could not get over it. The most that happened was that I unfortunately could not concentrate on anything all day. Not a thing.
At work I was just floundering, staring at stuff, falling asleep. I was snapping at my coworkers and just couldn’t pick myself up.
Oh, and I started my period which just ADDS to it all. And of course I didn’t have any tampons on me since I only have my period every 2-3 months since the weight loss… So I had that stress, I couldn’t even deal with it.
Then I had to look forward to a long workday (Mondays and Tuesdays I work 9-6) which would culminate in my weight training and then the dreaded stairs which frankly… I was not in the mood for.
But nope, I couldn’t just go home and go straight to bed. I had to be back here to pick up the Prawn from work at 10:30pm! Oh and have I mentioned that I was HUNGRY all day? Ontop of it all!
So I drive to the gym after work and just sit in the parking lot… I couldn’t get into the gym I just couldn’t. Also, to make things worse, my phone had 25% battery left… and my workout would take a minimum of 3.5 hours. I have a really hard time working out without music and I have an IMPOSSIBLE time doing the stairs without being able to check my e-mails and text my friends and be distracted by SOMETHING.
PS: Thank you so so much to the readers who have sent me e-mails and those who text me during the dreaded stairs… I love you guys. You really keep me sane. I love hearing about your successes and I love it when you share your lifestories. It’s like reading a little portable novel while doing those damn stairs and it makes those 90 minutes just fly by.
Anyways, I decided to start with stairs (which I never ever do) since I would much rather my cellphone die during weights than while I actually need a distraction.
Aaaand not only did the cardio make my headache much worse, but it gave me severe nausea… and then I threw up and had a migraine for the rest of the evening. The migraine was as bad as back when I was obese and would get them 2-3 times a week… I hadn’t had one in so long. It was torture.
Of course I couldn’t just go in my car and park at Prawn’s work until 10:30pm. I needed to use my time effectively… so I attempted my weight training and after an hour just couldn’t anymore. So I left about a half an hour before I was done. I had a headache, and through my last 2 sets of rope tricep overheads I was just crying. Giant tears just streaming down my face. I was hungry and couldn’t handle it and yes, my phone had died so I was attempting to workout in silence… which I hate.
So I got into the car and just wept. I was sobbing, I couldn’t drive. I didn’t even turn the car on. It was raining really hard and I was sitting in my humid car just crying. I can’t say that my muscles were totally sore and I was in pain. I just had a mental breakdown I think. I couldn’t even tell you what I was thinking, I just couldn’t handle it anymore.
I drove to Prawns work (longest 8 minute drive of my entire life) I’m very glad there was noone on the road… I was swerving and couldn’t concentrate on the road and halfway there I started crying again.
Once there I parked and waited half an hour for him to be done, all the while crying and trying to shield my eyes from the giant lights that were burning through my skull.
I don’t remember the drive home but I know I tried explaining myself and really was not making any sense. Am I stressed about my competition? About my weight loss? I think I just pushed myself too hard, always having to motivate yourself (and I do, every single day) is draining. I was so exhausted as well. It was just a bad day.
Home and straight to bed, seriously starving.
Would you believe I woke up this morning at the exact same weight as yesterday? What a piss off.
But I am feeling SO MUCH better. I am awake, ready to get to work. I finish at 5 today (not 6… you have no idea, that hour makes ALL the difference) and I will workout (starting with weight training… my phone is fully charged today) and be happy about it. I am excited to text all my friends during my cardio (it actually makes me feel really social, something which I have been having a hard time with since starting my long long workouts and the dieting which always makes social interactions weird… restaurants and bars and stuff… since I don’t cheat. Anyways I digress…)
It’s weird since I got less sleep last night than the night before. Ah well, can’t explain it.
Looking forward to a better day (I brought more food today too… hopefully that helps) and a better workout tonight. Going to smile and try and forget about yesterday. Moving forward.
So you see? Bad days, they happen to everyone. I am happy I didn’t cheat (I didn’t have time to anyways…) and I stuck to my program and just got through the day.