I keep writing and re-writing posts.
All weekend, I think I wrote 3-4 different posts and just erased them. I literally JUST did it again.
I don’t want to put out a ‘woe-is-me my life sucks right now’ post… again again. You know? I need to put out positivity, but I try and it ends up just being a big sad-fest.
I am depressed. I don’t know about clinically or any of that stuff. But I have absolutely hit rock bottom. I have not cheated though, and I have gotten back into the gym-groove. I went both Saturday and Sunday and did my 90 minutes of stairs and some weight training. Even though I have no energy I still tried my best.
I have been watching my portions, doing really well.
Aaaaand my weight hasn’t dropped a single pound, in fact Sunday mornings weigh in was a pound gain. So that’s
awesome (It’s not). I’m not giving up though.
Everyone keeps telling me I need to boost my metabolism and weight loss by having a cheat meal. What are your thoughts?
I tell them all no, and then when I have a craving I justify cheating to myself by saying ‘oh well everyone says I should…’ but have been stopping myself so far, being strong.
The only good that has come out of this devastating life-changing crap-week is the truly overwhelming support I have been receiving from not only you guys, but my friends, my family… just thinking about it gets me all teary again.
From the people who keep me company during my 90 minutes of stairs, to the readers who send me e-mails to read when I am upset, or just telling me their own success stories (I LOVE READING THEM), and my really good friends I went out with last night who made me an amazing card that I read over and over last night just crying… the support is amazing, it is the sunshine in my day and the thing that keeps me motivated to keep giving this bodybuilding thing a serious try.
No giving up for me, no matter how long my weight plateaus, I know I am making good decisions that will eventually be reflected. My dad took me aside this morning and told me not to give up and I wont. I want to achieve this dream, through hard work, just like I achieved my weight loss dream.
It’s so hard, it’s emotionally draining. I am taking out my anger on The Prawn, on my family, it’s not fair and I’m so sorry. I am frustrated and stressed and exhausted.
You see, it’s turning into a sad-fest again.
So before I get deep into it… just know that you can do it, you will see, sometime this week I will post a ‘I BROKE THROUGH MY PLATEAU AND LOST 29LBS IN A SINGLE DAY’ post or something and it’ll all be better.
Thanks again for the love, kindness, and support.