The Breakup

Oh darn, good afternoon to you all. -.-

Morning Weigh In: 169.0lbs

Gross.

Well, since the last post I cheated every day by eating loads of Greek yogurt, both full fat and non-fat… and then yesterday night and this morning I cheated-cheated with the fudge I had bought (remember… way back when) at the haunted house.

I guess it all just snowballed, half-cheating turned into full cheating… but I’m not letting it derail my efforts and go out of control. I made a mistake and now I’m fully committed to being back on track. I swear.

The move went well. Still not completely settled but I have to be honest, I am in love with my new apartment. I still have not seen my kitten, Prawn and I want to wait until everything is moved in before we introduce her to her new home. That means I have not seen my Titan in over 2 months and I miss her a lot.

Otherwise I have just been organising all my stuff, keeping the place clean… to save money I am opting for never ever turning on the heat (we will see how long that lasts) and we haven’t gotten internet or cable yet and I’m thinking we will be pushing setting those up for as long as possible.

I cooked for the first time in months yesterday. It felt so good. I cooked my Dukan spaghetti sauce and tonight I’m thinking of cooking the spaghetti squash that is meant to be paired with it. I still have a few boxes of stuff to unpack but otherwise it’s all done.

I can’t wait to show you pictures of the apartment once it’s all set up. You guys will all be jealous of my walk-in closet… it’s absolutely magnificent!

I have been hiding from people this past week… I’m thinking I have hit a bit of a depression maybe. I have been barely answering my texts, forget about Facebook messages or even comments on this blog… (oops!) Is it the stress of the move?

Well that is part of it.

This has been a big secret, but for the past few weeks Prawn and I have been broken up. Forever, for good, never to get back together again, super-officially.

Yerg…

That’s the sound my stomach makes when I think about it.

It’s been the toughest 2 months of my life, starting with getting kicked out of Prawns parents house with no access to my stuff, to being a burden on my parents, deciding that my life was too much in turmoil to even think about continuing to prep for my November competition (which… btw… would have been the 3rd November… coming up soon. Ugh)

Then the break up, it’s been an ongoing thing… the cheating, bingeing, weight gain, stopping hitting the gym, moving, and financial junk that just… Blegh has taken an absolute toil on me. Fuck.

YES, we are living together, the Prawn and I. We have been friends/partners for 6 years now (and at 21 years old… well that’s a giant chunk of my life right there…) and he will always be in my life. He has known the majority of my siblings for over half of their lives! He is family and I do love and care for him, we just can’t make a relationship work and that’s fine. We can care for each other in other ways.

Be aware, that this is the most brutal decision that has been made during these 2 months of chaos… I hope now that I have moved things start looking up… kill me.

Anyways, so that’s why I haven’t posted in a few days, and why I was late with the Challenge results… which caused me a ton of stress because I had to do all the calculations separately because of a problem with the spreadsheet my dad had made with me a few weeks ago… anyways everything sucks right now.

Well not everything… I guess it’s all looking better already, just, these past few days, weeks, months. Gross… just brutal.

Tomorrow is the first of the month… kindof looking forward to it. Just… a new page, a new outlook… trying to be a better person, better worker, better dieter, better blogger, better everything. Gotta put my best foot forward and drop the weight, get fit again, work hard and be HAPPY.

I just really want to get out of this… funk. The longest funk of my life, ohmaahhgawwedd.

xoxo

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Quick Post

Hi there!

Quick post for you all today, my weight is the same as yesterday (meh, happens). I am planning on having an amazing, cheat-free, stressful-moving weekend. :)

Last night I was pretty overwhelmed. Bought homemade fudge from the Orchard where the Spooky House I volunteered at is located… did not eat it though! It can be frozen so I used ALL the willpower I have to put the fudge down after I bought it and then wrap and freeze it…

I feel empowered… but totally wanting fudge. Will have to wait until my first celebration meal. -sigh-

Otherwise, a LOT of you (I’m surprised!) have opted to add me on Facebook for your questions and motivation and junk. Just in case you missed the link and were interested:

www.facebook.com/ciesee

MAKE GOOD CHOICES! IE: Don’t eat the fudge! Ugh. I can’t believe I was weak enough to even buy it! -.-
Fight temptation, let me know how your weekends went, be good for the Challenge Weigh In on Monday!

xoxo

Under 165lbs!

Finally broke through 165lbs. It was a little bit of a up and down battle for a few days but (for some reason) I dropped 2lbs from yesterday and am now at a comfortable 164.6lbs!

:)

For those of you who don’t remember, my start weight (16 days ago) was 180.2lbs. I have been losing on average 0.9lbs a day.

Last time I was on Dukan (between August and September of this year) I lost at about 0.59lbs a day.

I will say it again… if you want to lose weight you have to EAT. Just make sure you are eating the right things, loads of protein, don’t overindulge in Greek yogurt and you will be fine! LOL.

Last night I went to pub night with my local University’s Celtic Club. Second pub night of the month. I felt a lot of pressure to drink at this one, especially since before I got serious about dieting I had told people I would be drinking at this event.

I stayed strong and drank a LOT of diet coke. Which is fine with me. On special occasions it’s something I allow myself, or if I have particularly strong cravings. Which I did.

I ALMOST ordered nachos… The nachos at the Dub are my absolute favourite… and my friends ordered some, and calamari, and poutine! OMG I COULD HAVE DIED! But I stayed strong. I can hardly believe I didn’t cave. But I didn’t! I am so proud.

The scale rewarded me this morning with a big (much needed) drop! So YESSIR! That sometimes doesn’t happen, right? You do all the right things, that are super difficult to do… and the scale goes up? Well, not this time baby!

Tonight I am working at a haunted house… I expect to be fully hoarse by tomorrow, but haunted house = no chances to cheat so that’s good. Another night taken care of. I can’t wait to see my weigh in tomorrow, I have been especially good today.

The closer I get to this hectic moving-weekend the more stressed I am and the more my cravings seem to consume my every thought…

Wish me willpower during this weekend! It’ll be over in no time, I know. Still.

I hope you are all successful and make good choices while I’m stressing about getting all my furniture and stuff out of Prawn’s parents place. A few of you have asked… and yes, ALL my stuff has indeed been at his parents place for the 2 months I have been living back at my parents.

He has given me a few rounds of clothing, otherwise it’s all still there. Including my kitten Titan, whom I have not seen in… the two months I have been kicked out.

So… needless to say I am so so so excited to get this whole moving thing done and out of the way and to START OVER once again with my life. Just a new chapter. Hydro is set up, borrowing a truck from my uncle… it’s happening. Finally.

xoxo

2 Weeks

Today marks 2 weeks back on dieting for me! Two weeks without cheating! I feel very proud.

One thing I am thinking about… Sunday will be my first family event… and I had decided already that I will be eating with my family for family events, included are birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, as well as Easter… Well this is a family birthday and I am just not sure what to do!

I am currently not thinking I will cheat… I just don’t really want to. My fears are that faced with the temptation when I have told myself I would allow family-event cheating… that I will binge and it will completely unwind me. :S

I don’t know what to do… also my ‘birthday’ is fast approaching… if you will remember, my family switched my birthday to November 4th… I am sad that I will not be competing the day before… and also nervous because the reason I changed the date is because my mum and I wanted to drink champagne to celebrate my 21st birthday and I wanted to eat birthday cake for the first time in a few years… right?

I don’t want to backtrack on my success, but at the same time… Bah. Do you understand? It’s a dilemma. I think I will look into Dukan-alternatives that are maybe allowed in Consolidation? We’ll see. :)

Otherwise I have had a great day today, food-wise. Work went by too slowly and I’m really tired right now.

Ugh. Actually really tired. -.-

I have been thinking a lot about bodybuilding. I am feeling excited to get back to the gym, feeling excited to cook… I need the weekend to be here like, right now, so my life can start! Although you know what, I am really glad I didn’t wait to get back on Dukan until the move… I would feel even more upset… and would have probably gained another 10lbs… woah. I have dropped almost 15lbs in the past two weeks… actually at the rate I was going at I would have gained probably 50lbs total! That is so brutal!

It’s a downward spiral, when you get out of control. Horrible. You need to stop yourself before it’s too late. You will only regret not starting sooner!

*****

If you want to add me as contact on Facebook btw you can add me here. It is an easier way for some of you to contact or hear from me, as well as being able to follow my progress a little closer!

xoxo

Damn That Greek Yogurt!

I had a busy weekend! Unable to weigh myself either day and was really looking forward to a giant drop this morning… lost 0.2lbs. Bah. You can’t win ’em all.

I know why my weight didn’t keep dropping at the rate I have grown accustomed to. Two words… Greek.Yogurt. Since I was so busy and out and about… I ended up eating almost all my meals on the run and since I am no longer eating rotisserie chicken (Prawn did some research and you are looking at a massive 1600 calories per chicken… YIKES!) it was Greek yogurt for almost every meal… and I wasn’t a good dieter… I went half the time for non-fat (which in large quantities is bad on it’s own) and half the time for full fat…

Damn.

I still lost though, and I’m going to focus on cutting back. I just need to settle into a new routine at my new apartment and be able to cook and prepare meals in advance and I’ll be just fine! :) I can smell the spaghetti squash now! I can’t wait to look through both my Paleo and Dukan cookbooks and plan out meals for the first few weeks! BAH, can Sunday get here like… NOW please?

Also a problem with being so busy all weekend… water and oat bran consumption just goes out the window!

Side note… I did so much driving and driving downtown this weekend… I live in the country and I’m not a very good downtown driver… I think I have done enough scary-driving to last me an entire month thank you very much. So much stress!

I did workout (finally) though. I met up with a friend, we had coffee and chatted and then went to a local University gym and did some upper body weight lifting. We are thinking of making it an every-Sunday type thing and I hope we both stick with it, I think it will push us during the week as well. I am only 5.8lbs away from a comfortable gym-weight but you know what… I think once I move closer to the gym (about a 5-10 minute walk) I might try going a few days a week, just try it out and see if I can get my groove back.

The future is exciting. This is a photo I have as my phone background. Just giant black text with: THE FUTURE IS EXCITING.

Because really… it is! Well as long as you put in the work and stay consistent, then the future can be anything you want it to be, which is so exciting!

I only lost a little over 2lbs this week, I want to push myself harder and drop more for next Monday. I know I can! I am loving this new start and I want more!

I talked about you guys a lot this past weekend by the way. :P My readers. I am so thankful for you guys. You totally push me forward (I said no to a nice guy who asked me out for Sushi next Friday… SUSHI!!! I LOVE SUSHI!!!) and make me better. I can totally feel that I will be hitting my 130lbs goal this time around… I can’t wait to take you all with me!

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks with no cheating, I have lost 14.4lbs so far. :)

I’m very proud of myself… I do think it’s time to take it up a notch though! Maybe I’ll hit the gym tomor… the day after tomorrow. We’ll see!

Make good choices, as always.

xoxo

Starting To Feel More Comfortable In My Skin

Do you know my ultimate test on whether or not I feel happy and comfortable with my weight? I take an obnoxious amount of pictures of myself. While I was bingeing those 3 weeks before I jumped back (back) on the Dukan-train to happiness, I realised I was not okay with how I looked, simply because I stopped taking pictures of myself and the pictures that I did take… well they all got deleted, and absolutely nothing from the neck down.

I didn’t fit in my clothes, my work vest. I felt… well uncomfortable!

Looking through my phone just now I am pleased to see that, without even thinking about it… there are a ton of selfies (pictures of myself, taken by myself) from yesterday and today. There are still no body-shots… and absolutely no flexing shots… but it’s a start nevertheless.

Also, I’m trying out something new with my hair… side-swept bangs. What do you think?

I dropped another 0.6lbs! I am excited for tomorrows weigh in, really hoping I will be in the 165s!

Ooh also, last night I got my ear pierced. Kindof a panicked moment when I almost fainted and my piercer got me a juice box and told me to drink it… I kept mumbling: It’s not Dukan-allowed… not Dukan-allowed… but after a good 5 minutes of dizzy-ness I gave up and drank a few sips before sitting down and waiting to feel good enough to drive.

My weight still dropped, but I felt guilty since… well it was cheating. But I felt so sick, meh, just going to forget about it. Moving on.

I actually feel so okay with myself that I tried on and bought CLOTHES yesterday… something I had also been avoiding since my weight ballooning up. I bought two pairs of too-cute jeans and a clubbing top, for wait for it… 22$ total! SCORE.

I mean, what is better than shopping, smiling, and the weekend coming up. Am I right or am I right? Tomorrow night I am going to a ceili (group Irish dancing thing I have done the 3rd Saturday of every month for… 4-5 years now?) and Sunday I am (if he doesn’t cancel on me…) working out with a friend of mine! So this will be my first time hitting a gym in a little over a month. Wish me luck!

So my friend Nancy who is dropping weight with me, I have mentioned her before, she is the girl who started the day after me… is down 18lbs in 9 days following Dukan… 18LBS!!! I can’t even believe it!!!

Amazing results… and totally has me beat. My measly 14.6lbs in 10 days. ;)

Oh man, what a great day.

You guys going to rock out the weekend? Make good choices?

Have you joined my challenge? If not you should totally consider starting on Monday! Already 30 participants!!!

If you have, good luck during the weekend, drink your water, don’t cheat… I can’t wait to see who takes home the prize!

xoxo

PS: I have read some REALLY nice and sweet comments from you guys lately. I want you to know… I just tear up at every one. I am glad you guys read and follow my progress and am so thankful for your support, advice, and love. Thank you. -Constance

New Before & After Photo!

Well, today is kindof a meh day. I lost 1.2lbs since yesterday (woohoo!)
You know you can check my daily weigh ins in the tab above right? It’s under ‘About Me’.

Otherwise I’m still happy and focused and I have drank A LOT of coffee today.

Have had a few rough days with Prawn, moving soon so that’s about a brick-ton of stress, and I’m not sleeping all that well (maybe it’s the coffee…)

But you know what I do when I get a bit down? It’s before/after picture time! Time to look at how far I have come and just relax a bit, before jumping back into thinking about the future and all the stresses that come with it!

Crazy eh?

You can do it too! :)

Make good choices today.

xoxo