The Breakup

Oh darn, good afternoon to you all. -.-

Morning Weigh In: 169.0lbs


Well, since the last post I cheated every day by eating loads of Greek yogurt, both full fat and non-fat… and then yesterday night and this morning I cheated-cheated with the fudge I had bought (remember… way back when) at the haunted house.

I guess it all just snowballed, half-cheating turned into full cheating… but I’m not letting it derail my efforts and go out of control. I made a mistake and now I’m fully committed to being back on track. I swear.

The move went well. Still not completely settled but I have to be honest, I am in love with my new apartment. I still have not seen my kitten, Prawn and I want to wait until everything is moved in before we introduce her to her new home. That means I have not seen my Titan in over 2 months and I miss her a lot.

Otherwise I have just been organising all my stuff, keeping the place clean… to save money I am opting for never ever turning on the heat (we will see how long that lasts) and we haven’t gotten internet or cable yet and I’m thinking we will be pushing setting those up for as long as possible.

I cooked for the first time in months yesterday. It felt so good. I cooked my Dukan spaghetti sauce and tonight I’m thinking of cooking the spaghetti squash that is meant to be paired with it. I still have a few boxes of stuff to unpack but otherwise it’s all done.

I can’t wait to show you pictures of the apartment once it’s all set up. You guys will all be jealous of my walk-in closet… it’s absolutely magnificent!

I have been hiding from people this past week… I’m thinking I have hit a bit of a depression maybe. I have been barely answering my texts, forget about Facebook messages or even comments on this blog… (oops!) Is it the stress of the move?

Well that is part of it.

This has been a big secret, but for the past few weeks Prawn and I have been broken up. Forever, for good, never to get back together again, super-officially.


That’s the sound my stomach makes when I think about it.

It’s been the toughest 2 months of my life, starting with getting kicked out of Prawns parents house with no access to my stuff, to being a burden on my parents, deciding that my life was too much in turmoil to even think about continuing to prep for my November competition (which… btw… would have been the 3rd November… coming up soon. Ugh)

Then the break up, it’s been an ongoing thing… the cheating, bingeing, weight gain, stopping hitting the gym, moving, and financial junk that just… Blegh has taken an absolute toil on me. Fuck.

YES, we are living together, the Prawn and I. We have been friends/partners for 6 years now (and at 21 years old… well that’s a giant chunk of my life right there…) and he will always be in my life. He has known the majority of my siblings for over half of their lives! He is family and I do love and care for him, we just can’t make a relationship work and that’s fine. We can care for each other in other ways.

Be aware, that this is the most brutal decision that has been made during these 2 months of chaos… I hope now that I have moved things start looking up… kill me.

Anyways, so that’s why I haven’t posted in a few days, and why I was late with the Challenge results… which caused me a ton of stress because I had to do all the calculations separately because of a problem with the spreadsheet my dad had made with me a few weeks ago… anyways everything sucks right now.

Well not everything… I guess it’s all looking better already, just, these past few days, weeks, months. Gross… just brutal.

Tomorrow is the first of the month… kindof looking forward to it. Just… a new page, a new outlook… trying to be a better person, better worker, better dieter, better blogger, better everything. Gotta put my best foot forward and drop the weight, get fit again, work hard and be HAPPY.

I just really want to get out of this… funk. The longest funk of my life, ohmaahhgawwedd.


8 thoughts on “The Breakup

  1. I wish you the best of luck. Sounds like pure chaos right now, but unfortunately that is how things go. I wish you the best of success getting back to plan and making smart decisions again. You have done it once, you can do it again.

  2. Souns like you are going through a pretty rough, up and down time – give yourself a bit of slack, you’ll come out the other sidemotivated and ready. Sorry I didn’t put in a weight this week. I’ve been stuck in bed, with the big ‘C’ hanging over me. Good news is I got the all clear this morning (just a burst ovarian cyst), bad news is my family have been feeding me for days. Almost back at my start challenge weight. I will get back on track in a couple of days, once my head and body have regained some equilibrium. Tke care of yourself.

  3. Hang in there Constance. You sounds like a natural positive thinker so that shall prevail! Tomorrow is a new month, new beginning just as every day is a new beginning. Take care!

  4. It’s time to practice some self-care. Self-sabotage isn’t making you feel better, is it? You are doing great and are doing great work inspiring others. Please forgive yourself and start again. Remember, there is no endpoint to being healthy. We all have to start over every day, and that will continue for the rest of our lives.

  5. That all sounds really sucky. Keep your chin up, it will get better, we are all here if you need to vent. Good luck to you in these first steps towards a new and hopefully happier life :) I don’t know how you cope being away from your kitty for so long, I miss mine terribly after a week away

  6. You’re beautiful, and inspiring. It will get better! I dated a boy from 13 to 21 and when he left (he moved across the country, though), I thought I would never recover. But I did, I had me, and time – and only time – heals all wounds. You’ve gotten through worse! :)

  7. You’re beautiful, and inspiring. It will get better! I dated a boy from 13 to 21 and when he left (he moved across the country, though), I thought I would never recover. But I did, I had me, and time – and only time – heals all wounds. You’ve gotten through worse! :)

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