Ooookay. I think it’s time for me to get over it, get out of this FUNK! Da-yaaaam.
I’m such an all in or all out person. This is absolutely ridiculous.
So, no cheating as of this morning. I have not cheated. I need to do this for both my wallet and my body since binge-eating and eating like crap really affect both in a negative way.
Can I really whine about never finding a man when I continue to hurt my body like this, steadily gaining weight? If I feel confident and happy about my body, wouldn’t that be more attractive then my current, mopey, whiny, soft self. I need to get at it! I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF!
& You know what, I need to get hot, get me some man-candy and rub it in Prawns face, because seriously he is being a ruthless asshole! Get over him, get sexy, AND THEN GET MAN CANDY!
I need me a big-beefy-bodybuilder guy. This is ridiculous. I wont be finding one getting weaker and heavier by the day… Well if I’m doing it to myself I have to stop whining about it! Just gotta get it done!
Okay, okay OKAY, BLEGH I HATE THIS AND I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR… okay I need to let go of the caps…
I am so furious for letting myself fall off the wagon AGAIN… I know so much better. I am so dumb, pigging out NEVER ever has made me feel better.
I have to get hot and get back in the game. DAMN I am so angry!
I am mad at him, I am mad at myself. I can’t believe he thinks he can get away with treating me like this, with giving me attitude and having girls over that are cute, and everyone likes, and are so… top heavy that they could fall over with a slight breeze… makes me feel like shit about my boob-situation… about my body… I can be hot too! :/
Omg I hate this whole situation.
This entire thing just pisses me off.
So tonight is pub night, I was going to order nachos or whatever, but you know what, my pub night friends are so used to me not ordering they wont make it weird. I’ll drink my diet-coke and have a great night regardless of this jerk at home with his cute-date whatever… I wont cheat. I guarantee it. Then I’ll have one cheat-less day under my belt and we all know… it only takes one to start a trend!
& you know what, he is having her over right after I finish work and I’ll have a few hours to spare where it would be awkward for me to be at home… so I need to get out… gym. I will hit the gym, go home, shower and then leave for cheat-less pub night. No cheating, getting in my exercise… I can do this.
OMG can I ever do this.
Thank you for all your comments today. You have lit some kind of fire inside me I guess because I am so pumped for change (finally).
I don’t know what else to say right now. I can’t even think straight. I have so many emotions and thoughts just pouring out of me, it’s messed up, I hate it. Bah. Why am I so confused and hurt and mad and all I want to do is crawl up, watch TV, not speak to anyone… but I can’t since I don’t have the apartment to myself tonight… so I will go out and be social and bust my butt at the gym and maybe buy chicken breasts.
Please stay patient with me, I’ll figure it out eventually.