-Siiiiiigh-

Last night I had a movie moment, but first I wanted to thank you guys for keeping me accountable and for all the kind words, comments, advice on yesterdays posts. They put a smile on my face and set the standard for my days happiness. I am feeling much better and happier today.

I didn’t cheat last night and dropped weight (isn’t that the BEST feeling?). I was really proud of myself, Prawn bought me a bag of Chocolate Caramels and I didn’t even touch it! Well actually, I threw them out, and then he made a fuss so I put them in the BAAAACK of the pantry and told him if they were to get eaten, that he would have to do it.

Well there you go. Growin’ a backbone. Not going to let anyone sabotage me or my efforts! Feels empowering. That feeling followed me through a really heavy shoulder workout, and through not cheating at all during the night. I didn’t even drink!

So I went to pub night, I had decided I would cheat, since I have gone to over a years worth of pub nights and always the same thing… I sit there drinking endless diet pop while watching my friends eat my favourite foods in the universe… pub food is SO GOOD & once a month I suffer through the smells, the cheese, the warmth.

But my friends are used to me not joining them. It’s not weird, they don’t even ask anymore if I’m going to split the nachos with them. It’s understood that I just drink pop and generally one of my friends covers my drink for me. Total sweethearts. The Ottawa U Celtic Club is filled with the nicest people out there, I am sure of it.

Which is another reason I actually am glad I went out last night. I wasn’t going to, but Prawn had his busty friend over… & I couldn’t handle it I was so mad.

Anyways, so I went to pub night, whined a bit to my friends about my life, about guy problems (men problems, as I will now start calling them, thanks you guys! ;) )

I got a lot of positive feedback about how I shouldn’t change myself and dumb myself down for a guy, how I shouldn’t stop being my opinionated and upfront self and how when the right man comes along, he will come along and love all those things about me. I don’t need to trap a guy by playing damsel in distress.

All which made me smile but just confused me. I have been getting conflicting messages on the subject of why I can’t find a man. I don’t really know what to think. But you guys are right, as is my sister, I just need a break I think. Focus on myself, on not cheating, on making good choices I am proud of.

Movie moment time?

Movie moment time.

I left the pub before pub night was over, I had an hour to get home with bussing and driving to my apartment (instead of the hour and a half it would normally take me… am I ever glad I moved!) so I left after some people but before a big chunk of the core group left.

I checked my phone as I was leaving, I’m going to put this a little more dramatically for the stories purpose… so enjoy:

I lit my cigarette, ran across the street since the hand was still up and started walking towards the bus stop, casually, since it was a gorgeous night outside. My hands were a little cold but the air smelt like autumn so I was going to soak the night in.

Still smiling from the great night I had had, but lids feeling a little heavy with sleep I checked my cellphone. He texted me to wait, I turned around to see him cross the street towards me.
A tall, good looking man then grabbed me by the waist and pulled me in for a kiss.

That’s enough with the romanticism. Basically he told me I was hot, and he had been drinking. He told me not to care about what Prawn said or ever says and that I was hot.

He also told me he liked me but didn’t like me like he wanted to marry me… aaaaand movie moment over. But that’s okay lol. He still made me feel amazing.

I was confused at the time, after some thought I can tell you that I feel amazing and really hot right now and I need to lose a good 40-something pounds and get back to being super-sexy-confident so sober guys can run out of pubs and make out with me on the street for what felt like 20 minutes but was more realistically around 10-15 minutes…

Because that is a great feeling, and I want it to happen more often.

xoxo

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7 thoughts on “-Siiiiiigh-

  1. Why do men buy candy/chocolate for us when they know we’re trying not to eat it?? My hubby did that recently, trying to be nice because I’ve been stressed out. But it’s an addiction for me and I’m trying not to feed myself due to stress or other emotions. He’s getting better, but still… Kudos to you – you’re a rock star!

    • OMGosh, my weak spot is sunflower seeds. I’m trying to keep it to 2 small bags a week, and just on the weekend. Well, I am passing hubs in our neighborhood when I was on my way home from the gym last night and he says he’s going to the store, do I want anything. I say n-n-n-n-n-no, I’m good. But he knows I’m wanting seeds. He says OK and drives off. After dinner, while cleaning the kitchen, what do I see on the counter? Two bags of sunflower seeds!!!!! On a THURSDAY!!!!! He says “You don’t have to eat them.” Really??? You’d think after 13-years he would know me better than that! I ate one bag, but REALLY wanted the second. MEN!

  2. Ooooh, how exciting! And a big contrast to someone trying to sabotage you. Sad that you have to spend any time fending off unhealthy food at home, but now’s the time to shut saboteurs up by not falling for their slimy behaviour. “Living well is the best revenge”!

  3. Ok of COURSE your ex that you are currently stuck living with is going to buy you candy. He doesn’t want you to get hotter and sexier; he wants to flaunt the skank he is bringing around and rubbing in your face to make you jealous and feel like shit AND he wants to blow your healthy eating and working out. Then you will feel frumpy and keep a low enough self esteem to possibly get back together with him when his fling doesn’t work out. I can’t tell you how many guys like that are out there – puhlenty. Just keep doing your thing and ignore him the best you can. He WANTS to get a rise out of you about other women. He WANTS you to blow your diet. He WANTS you to sit at home and not workout. Getting in shape FOR YOURSELF, being happy being yourself, etc. is what will find you a good man. It’s true. You have to fall in love with yourself first before anyone else can fall in love with you. Just focus on getting in shape (physically, mentally, emotionally) and the rest will fall into place when it’s time.

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