Not Ballooning Up As Much… A Reflection

As many of you are aware, while losing the weight (the 8 months I followed the Cruise phase and dropped 115lbs) I did not cheat. It could be argued that although I did binge, I binged on Dukan-allowed foods and in doing such, still managed to drop the weight but did not necessarily learn any tools to prevent me from gaining weight once I decided to get off the diet, or rather, once I hit my TW February 6th 2012.

As of Feb 6th 2012 I did not gain back any of the 115lbs I lost (which has be very proud). Although once again… can I really say I did not gain any weight? This is not true, at all. Maintaining the weight is a HUGE struggle, much more difficult than it was to drop it.

I have been known to say that losing the weight was easy. IT WAS EASY. Yes, bad days, struggling… all that. It was by no means a joyride. But it was MUCH easier than this maintenance… since I simply did not allow myself to cheat and gain any weight during my weight loss, whilst now I am much more loosey-goosey and I have been going through a rollercoaster… and I mean it. It’s been a rollercoaster.

But let me explain.

Firstly let me tell you that I am PROUD, that although I have made changes in my workout regime which has caused me to gain muscle (going from not even being able to do one ‘girly pushup’ to being able to struggle through 20-30 on my feet, proper stance pushups… going from calling the weight section of a gym the ‘big guy section’ to having the confidence to workout with the biggest guys at the gym… claiming the free weights as my own.

PROUD, so yes, although maintaining and keeping my diet in check has been brutal, a total learning process for me… I am happy and content with my progress and my transformation (as always… ongoing!!!)

So, with that said, the weight fluctuations have been just a CRAZY ride this past year. Starting about June 2012 I noticed the ups and downs, 3 weeks of eating whatever I wanted, no diet plan, usually no exercise either (which, longtime readers might now… when one of my habits… usually diet, falls to the side, my water intake as well as my regular exercise, also starts to suffer)

Aaaaanyways, so 3 weeks of gain, on average 30lbs followed by 3 weeks of proper eating, dieting, watching my calories or falling into ketosis while on Dukan, water intake goes up, exercise follows and then BAM right back where I started at usually around 155lbs.

Oops, 3 weeks later 30lbs gain… 30lbs loss… aaaannd… well if you are like me you see the trend starting to form! It’s been pretty consistent!

Except for this past time around. I did not 3, but 4 weeks of eating as I pleased. I felt bloated but not my usual ‘fat’ that comes along with my binges and obvious weight gain. I weighed myself expecting that 20-30lbs gain and I had gained 2lbs. 2!!!

So… there are two explanations for that… that have gone through my mind right?

Either my body is finally slowing down fighting me for gaining those pounds (remember Dukan and his theory of 5 days for every pound gained? Well my 5 days for every pound actually ends August 10th of this year!). So maybe I am not assimilating calories as effectively or rather… effectively-on-steroids?

OOOORRRR maybe with this long of yoyo dieting, I have built up some good habits that stuck, not eating as much, or as bad foods while ‘eating whatever I wanted’ this time around?

Not sure, do you have an opinion?



A Word on Addiction

H – ungry

A – ngry

L – onely

T – ired

A goooood good friend of mine who is a member of AA was talking to me about addiction and this resonated with me, so I would like so share because absolutely… absolutely do I have an addiction to food.
Let me rephrase… to BAD food. To chips and junk. To binges.

Oooh man, the binges. It is an addiction.

So, addiction to food, binges, it’s all relatable to something like an alcohol or narcotics addiction. You see that these groups of people, like AA, NA have come up with processes to help people with their addictions, dealing, getting over them. Now I’m not saying necessarily that the weight loss community could benefit from having groups like these put in place, but learning from the teachings, methods put in place by people in recovery or trying to recover from other kinds of addictions, can help and teach us ways to cope with our different addictions, mine being food, perhaps yours as well.

Usually when you are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired… you aren’t really thinking straight which can lead to a relapse, those cravings. Since you aren’t thinking logically, rationally. Especially a combination of more than one of these things can lead you to do stupid things, such as cheating on your diet. Something that can help you with these triggers, could just be as simple as recognizing these symptoms!

So that’s just a quick thought, do you agree? Disagree? Leave me a comment down below!


Hmmm Seeking Advice, Off the Wagon, Miss You Guys :)

Good early afternoon to you guys!

How is everyone doing? I’m trying to get this internet thing under control, it’s hard trying to balance time between a full time job, catching up with my fam, cleaning, and spending almost every minute of my life with my new boyfriend… -.-

I don’t know if you know the feeling, but we live 40 minutes away and the travelling back and forth between the two places, also I was sick, then he was sick…

A new relationship, it’s weird because although he is so supportive of me and my dreams, but the lack of new routine and of me feeling sick, then him… all that stuff… has made it pretty difficult to actually get to the gym and put in a solid effort, because the entire time I spend thinking about him, rushing through so I can call him, not focusing and or feeling sick because of this cold going around.

Then, I could workout after work, but he actually has time to come down to where I live! So I don’t. I’m not going to make him wait in the car and if I workout for 2 hours then we can’t actually spend any time together. So what about on the weekend? Well we did, but I couldn’t focus. I’m not the kindof girl who likes working out with people. It’s just plug in and there you go. Beastmode through it.

Then with dieting, it’s much easier when you are on your own, or living together as Matt and I were doing, where I would prepare his meals or we would just do our own thing. Here we are doing groceries together and I don’t feel, this new in a relationship, like making my own Dukan-friendly thing and it being all awkward I guess.


This is all just the precursor of me making two points:

1. New relationships make you so happy, but mess up your routines and make you fat.

2. Pretty sure I’m moving in. ;) :D

As in, I am moving in. I’m moving in in June-July. We are going on a big trip down East where his family is from and where a part of my family I rarely get to see is.

We talked about it a while and I’ll have to give my notice to my current landlady in May, that will give us enough time to make sure this is something we want to do. :) It’ll be better monetarily and… well it’s all just positive stuff! Everything is bussing distance from here, there are jobs around and… well we can settle into routines around each other and I really feel like I’ll be able to focus on myself instead of focusing on well focusing on this new relationship.

But ladies, you are all struggling (or really succeeding) with yourselves, your weight loss, your working out, your families… How do you do it? What do you think of my plans?

It’s weird to say, and everyone kindof rolls their eyes, but he is the one! When you know you know, putting a gamble on our relationship yah-dah-yah-dah.

This is happening!

Also, when I say June-July I do mean… that although that was the initial plan, it seems like I might be giving my two months notice like… at the end of this month… meaning move in date will be closer to April.

I can’t wait!

He is so nice, and thoughtful. He loves my friends and I love his. He has a good job and is respectful and funny.

Ontop of about a billion other things.

Also he’s DAMN sexy.


Love you guys! Give me some of your life experience!!! I don’t know have anyone in real life I can talk about with regards to dieting and a new relationship!



(Your Dukan Dietress)


Has been a while since I have put pics up so here is where I’m currently at! You can look forward to a food plan and weight training routine also coming within the next week.

I am so happy to be blogging again! Also might I add… MY BOYFRIEND IS SO AMAZING! Bahaha, I can’t get over it. Spending the weekend at his place and so so so happy. <3

Ok, enough gushing… it’s just… this is the happiest I have been in a while. I was going through an alcoholic, self-destructive, depressed and suicidal time you guys. I think this man has maybe saved my life. His support and love means the world to me and… OH MAN… I can’t get enough. He is truly the best. Be jealous. 



So this is the first pic. A bicep flexing shot since as you all know… I’m a sucker for a good flexing pic. ;) Felt incredibly beast here. You know, it’s taken me forever to love myself… to love my muscles. I LOVE THEM, I feel and feel like I look AMAAAAZING! Yay!



This one is a pic of my quad and calf progress. I have not ever seen a visible quad (the first pic)… I always had too much fat covering up my legs since even after the weight loss, always struggled losing that last bit of fat. STILL LOADS there… but getting better and leaner every day. PROGRESS. Also… I have monster calves, they carried around me at almost 300lbs right? 



This is the newest face picture of me. Feeling kindof sexy lately (I wonder why). BAM.



This is me, at weeks 1-3 of my most recent weight training. Glute progress. MAAAAAN. See what a little heavy lifting will do?



Some shoulder progress. Check out my monster traps!!! Bahaha. If you have me on Facebook I really apologize for the doubling of pics. I have drank a lot of espresso tonight actually and am just in the best mood ever. So, here is another one of meeeeeeee.




Took this one tonight with my new boyfriend. SEEEEEE, he loves my muscles. Isn’t he a cutie??? <3 

I hope you are all doing well! 

I really did miss you guys.


Sign of Life


As many of you know I do not have internet at my apartment but did want to give you guys some kind of… well a sign of life.

Hey! I’m alive and I miss you all. 

Here’s what is new with my life:

I have, for the past month, been training again at the gym. I caught a little bit of a cold so I slowed down but otherwise I have been hitting it pretty consistently and seeing results. I thought I had binged for a bit and gained up to probably 20lbs but when I weighed myself… well in the past 2-3 weeks where I thought I gained 20… I had just gained 2.

Which I promptly dropped. LOL. I have dropped 6lbs in the past 2 days just by being extra careful with my diet and doing a little more cardio and I feel amazing, like a beast, and so happy.

Those of you who have added me on Facebook to see my updates (since I can update my Facebook from my phone and not WordPress…

Well you guys know how happy and motivated I am, and I am sorry for not being able to blog about it, but know OMG I am so happy right now.

Well first off my weight loss anniversary (1 year of maintenance from hitting my Dukan TW) is coming up on February the 6th and would you believe, even though I have gained muscle over the past year of maintenance… I have not gained a single pound as of this morning!

So to all those… idiots… my old fat friends who told me I would no doubt gain the weight back after losing… the ones who bullied me during my weight loss journey and tried to hold me back… well screw you… I did it!!!


So if you were looking for something to motivate you to start… just do it! A year from now you will be looking back and kicking yourself for not starting sooner!!!

LASTLY… I have an AMAZING boyfriend… Matthew and I broke up brutally, horrifically… the psychologically abusive nature of my relationship with him prevented me from moving forward in my bodybuilding… towards my goals and my dreams. He tried to hold me back and with the mean, hurtful comments directed towards my new skinny body, smaller breasts, confidence and… oh man…

I have been BLESSED, and have found the most… perfect man. He not only supports my dieting, weight training, dreams and aspirations, but he pushes me to becoming better in every single other way. I am proud to have him as a boyfriend and you guys… I am so in love. I feel so confident. He loves my muscles (remember… Matt said he would feel disgusted to see a visible bicep? This guy LOVES it!), loves my drive… 

I am in the best place now, and it only gets better!

How have you been?

I hope the more often I come to this new boyfriends place… the more often I will get to blog. He makes me so happy and pushes me to keep posting. He says I have the best fans… that’s you guys!

I love you guys too. Thank you for sticking with me. I hope to get internet soon. Oh man.

I have too many stories to tell you. :)

Miss you.