If I had stuck to the Dukan program, and not gotten distracted by fancy bodybuilding diets, and the general consensus of everyone around me that I should start eating carbs, and then following this, my own justification and gunning out of control, then yoyo-ing, and lastly, giving up…
Wow that was a long run-on sentence, I digress:
If I had stuck with Dukan, my consolidation date would be August 10th 2013, which is coming up in a little over a month. This is the “last important Dukan date” in my mind. I am always being asked if I found the diet long. I started the Dukan Diet June 10th 2011. As everyone knows by now, I followed it for 8 months without cheating once and hit my TW, having lost 115lbs.
Did this seem long to me? No. The time honestly flew by. There were days I found particularly difficult. Weeks where I plateaued and the diet felt like it was taking FOREVER, I remember when I first looked at the Dukan website thing, where it says how long it would take to drop the weight I thought, omg, no way that is SO LONG. But when I think back to it the whole experience went by in a flash. I mean, whether or not you are dieting, life goes by quickly, and the days pass by.
I hit my target weight on February 6th 2012. I calculated my consolidation date meticulously and was very disappointed that with 5 days for every pound lost I would be following consolidation for a year and a half, until August 10th 2013. This felt like an eternity for me and I really struggled with the concept.
But now that the time passes… I mean it both feels like an eternity, and it has flown by. Do you understand? So much has happened during this year and a half, but at the same time I can’t really remember what it feels like to be obese. I can’t really remember what I looked like, and I still look back at my old almost 300lbs pictures and think… wtf. That was me? I can’t even remember looking like that!
I have had my problems seeing eye to eye with the Dukan consolidation phase, which I blogged about over a year ago. I feel like as a person addicted to food, consolidation opened the floodgates, like an alcoholic thinking he can slowly reintroduce alcohol back into his diet, or a smoker thinking he can still smoke once a week, and after a few months go up to a few smokes a week. Well in reality when it comes to addiction, this ends in a vicious cycle of justification, falling off and back on the wagon, bingeing, guilt, unhappiness. I am addicted to food and carbs and eating and I know this, it’s a mental thing that has taken me years to accept, and will take me my whole life to understand.
But time, time keeps going, I never thought August 10th 2013 would come and now I’m staring it right in the face like… where did the time go?
What would have happened if I had stayed in consolidation and not cheated, as I did during that initial 8 month weight loss… where would I be? Was it really that much time?
As someone with an addictive personality, going through the problems I had with maintaining my weight, bad advice, bad relationships and break ups, drugs, and binges during this period of my life, and someone who (well I feel) has really grown and changed since February 6th 2012, I can safely say I do not have any regrets. Since I have become such a better, now sober, and more determined person during the process. Growing to communicate in my relationships, to work through my procrastination, to help people, even through the ups and downs (as I have said before in my blogging, ooooh my roller coaster of a life!) I am a happier person, and this whole process, which will take my entire life and has been no easy fix, has made me into the person I am today, and I will continue to grow through learning about my problems with addiction, food and otherwise, and striving to get my ‘perfect body’ and to be happy with myself.
A friend of mine is an alcoholic, almost 3 years sober now, and he says it’s all about the day to day. His mentality is, he might have a drink tomorrow, who knows, but he knows he wont have one today, he works every day to not have a drink that day and that’s where his focus is. He recognizes his triggers, which I mentioned a few months ago, HALT (hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness) and looks to correct these feelings before they get overwhelming, and this is how he does it.
And so with that, every day I tell myself that I wont cheat on the diet. I may cheat on my birthday, I may cheat next week. But today, I am focusing on keeping myself full, happy, on talking to people and going out, and on sleeping when I am tired, and taking naps if I feel really exhausted and overwhelmed (because everything is better after a quick nap!) so that I can move forward in this weight loss journey, this… well over 2 year long journey, with all it’s rollercoaster-ey-ness, to strive towards a better me, everyday.
Love you guys, hope you are all doing great in your own journeys, however long they may take you!