Oh readers, you are consistently my greatest motivators, giving me the kick in the butt when I need it. I want you to know I read and take seriously every single comment and really lately, I have needed the focus.
I hate that it feels like I’m always saying this, but THIS TIME I will stick with my plan, no variations, no justification, no excuses, just strict dieting.
Oh yeah, I know, you have heard it before. You guys should have a bet-thing going on whether or not this time I will stick with it. Well I’m telling you, I’m all gung-ho and going to do it this time!
Why don’t I get discouraged and tell myself… well I have tried a million times, started over a MILLION TIMES! I should just say eff-it and give up.
Well no giving up is allowed, dear readers! Not on my watch!
I mean, when it came to working out, HOW MANY TIMES did I try and try and try again to get my attendance up at the gym? I restarted… I can’t even tell you how many times, or how many times in my lifetime, every time trying something different to get my butt there.
Because that is the key, if you keep trying over and over again, doing the same thing, you wont succeed. Something needs to change for you to see results, it’s different for everybody, but eventually something just clicks.
They don’t need to be drastic changes, try a little twinge of a difference from the last time you tried… am I making sense?
Also, if you never take that first step in saying ‘well this time…’ and starting over, you will never ever know success because you will never TRY! It’s all about trying and putting in the effort!
Well, a thought from one of my fantastic motivators: You know what it takes to succeed.
This is so true. For the most part, we all know what it takes to lose the weight, we know what cheating is, we know what we are not allowed. We just justify to ourselves why we should be allowed that banana at 10pm, those drinks with our friends, that snack after dinner-time.
We tell ourselves that we will restart tomorrow, we tell ourselves that it’s stupid to not be allowed a handful of strawberries in the afternoon… and then end up eating one or two tubs full AND a slice of pineapple… even though we know we aren’t allowed on our diet.
I know how I feel after a binge-cheat (oh yeah… so last night I had ANOTHER! I feel like crap…)
I know that when it comes to me, one thing always leads to another and it all spirals out of control. I can’t be allowed that first bite! I KNOW THIS ABOUT ME SO WHY DO I ALWAYS TAKE THAT FIRST BITE AAAARGGGG!
And another thing… What if someone out there looks up to me? What if there is someone sitting at their computer who actually LOOKS UP TO ME… thinks I have willpower for having lost 113lbs, wants to lose weight like I did… looks to me for advice, reads my blog… and I am always disappointing them with my binges… my lack of confidence, my recent weight gain, when I don’t hit the gym for a few days at a time (probably the next step in my self-destruction).
Well that sucks! I can’t do that! If my weight loss motivated one person, and they read through my story like ‘I want to do that!’ If they think that because I did it then they can do it to… and then I cheat and binge and eat too much fruit at night even though I know I shouldn’t and I go out and eat massive portions of protein… EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I SHOULDN’T then I might discourage them from their own journeys… I would never EVER want to do that.
Oh man, it’s like, another layer of guilt, ontop of the guilt of cheating and being bad. I just can’t handle it.
So I need to make a commitment to myself. To be good. I am 18 weeks away from November 3rd. I still got this! I can do this!
Yes I know, I KNOW I always do this, but this time, it’s for real ok!
What am I doing differently this time?
I am writing here, a list of commitments to myself, and NO VARIATIONS or excuses. I will also provide a list of BANNED justification phrases, the excuses I give myself and how they snowball. Well from now on I am not allowed to think them, not allowed to act on them. Come on Constance, focus focus focus! This is so important to me and I know this time I can do it, for myself, for you guys. I know, as we all do, what we should and should not do. No more ignoring the good food angel on my shoulder for the inner fat-me that wants to come out, clearly. Just strict dieting from now on!
Constance’s Commitments to Herself
In terms of fruit I will only ever allow myself a banana, only in the morning with my pancake.
- I always make this rule for myself when I commit to being strict.
- The way I morph this into becoming a fruit binge is when I don’t have a banana at home but have apples, blueberries, blackberries or strawberries.
- I end up adding half a cup of whatever or an entire apple to my protein pancake, telling myself that I am allowed other fruits as well.
- Next thing I know I am eating the banana AND the other fruit the next day.
- Then I eat fruit during the day, just a portion.
- Then fruit binge in the morning because I tell myself I will have all day to burn it off.
- Lastly fruit binge at night.
In terms of protein I will only eat the allowed meats: pork tenderloin, chicken breasts, thighs, and white fish. I will eat at max one steak a week.
I will only eat 2 egg yolks a day.
I will watch my portion sizes and will absolutely not eat after dinner and at night other than a protein shake before bed.
- When it comes to eating at night I think to myself that I have had enough protein shake for the day but need to drink one before bed… well I have leftovers, or can make myself meat or eggs, or a pancake with the protein powder, so it’s ok.
- Turns into nightly eating or binge eating after dinner, since for some reason after dinner I know I’m doing something bad anyway so I don’t care about portion sizes as much.
- Turns into eating not-allowed foods after dinner, like chicken bacon with no fat processed cheese, or fruit right before bed. Can also turn into binge-eating allowed proteins with WAY too big portions right before bed.
I will not allow myself any ‘happy meals’ or cheat meals.
- I have never had a single Celebration, Cheat, or Happy Meal that I didn’t binge for and didn’t regret the next day. I have been having them on and off since February 6th and if my experience isn’t enough to tell me I simply can’t allow myself them, because EVERY TIME they turn into a binge… well I’m dumb if I don’t get the hint.
- So I can’t allow myself them to begin with, since I know I can’t control myself. I’m given an inch and I take a mile.
- When I make the commitment to myself that I wont allow myself a cheat meal I always justify it to myself the exact same way: I shouldn’t miss out on this memory by not joining my family or friends at eating for this event. My coach says I can have a cheat meal, I should just do it, he says it’s ok.
- Or I will say that other girls must binge-too, I am working out hard so it will balance it.
- Or I will say that I deserve the cheat meal, that it’s healthy for me to have a cheat meal (mentally or physically healthy because I am missing nutrients with my diet)
- I will justify it by saying that I will regret it if I don’t have a cheat meal.
- I will say that the person knows I have had other cheat meals and will be upset if I tell her or him that ‘well now I can’t have one… even though last week I did’
- I think to myself that my birthday… well I need to cheat for my birthday. NO! No cheat meals allowed, no excuses at all. I can have cheat meals after my competition. I have not done anything to deserve them and I ALWAYS feel like shit after. There is absolutely no point. This is my commitment to myself, no slip ups.
That’s all I can think of for now. Just a few things to get me started. I have stayed consistent with my water drinking, I don’t want to cut out or down on coffee even though seriously… I do drink too much.
I don’t want to burden myself with change by making the commitment to go to the gym on my days off from weight training and doing 45 min of cardio at 6am… although I think that if I can get the dieting down again, that will be the next step.
I can do this. Stay motivated you guys, I will snap out of this dieting funk and be there for you again soon! Just keep your chin up and make me proud in the mean time. I can get back on track, I can start seeing results again. I will be a sexy, fit, hardworking bodybuilder by November, I guarantee it!