Day 6

Hello Constance, welcome to day 6 of dieting!

As if as of tomorrow it’ll be almost a week back on… I want to weigh myself! I honestly woke up, bee-lined for the scale this morning and then drank a giant glass of water to prevent myself from weighing myself.

This is bad. I feel like a heroin addict must feel! Or someone who deletes their Facebook!

I keep thinking, well I GOTSTA weigh myself tomorrow! It’ll have been a week back on!

NO! CONSTANCE BE STRONG!

Would you believe I am struggling more with the idea that I have no idea how much weigh I’ve lost than with my eating, cheating, and overeating? LMAO. Last night I visited a friend and we made arts and crafts with Popsicle sticks and talked. Would you believe it was so nice? Drinking tea, just hanging out.

It’s weird… when I think of being with my family, I generally associate them with food. Birthdays, Holidays… food.

All of my other friends I also associate with food. Well food or alcohol, and there is almost always food around when I hangout with… well anyone!

This friend is totally different. We watch movies, go on bike rides, 4-wheeling, arts and crafts, on Saturday we are going shopping, and I never feel compelled to cheat around him, and we rarely if ever do anything food-related. Just tea.

It’s a nice change. I ADORE my friends to TEARS but what are pub nights, even ceilis have the food served at the end (ceilis are big Irish dancing things I go to once a month), drinking with friends, if it’s at a bar there are generally nachos served, hanging out at friends houses with chips and booze…

I have no problem avoiding eating these things, it’s just kindof refreshing not having to think about it at all. Even work… we are having a Christmas party on the 6th and it’s at a really nice restaurant and I’ve been stressing about it a little…

Actually you know what, he isn’t my only friend where my interactions don’t revolve around food. I do have a few… I can only think of one right now but anyways…

So, I sat Prawn down when I decided I was starting the Dukan Diet for good this time (last Friday) and (I’m not sure if I told you guys this actually…) he asked me if we could be partners again. Dieting partners.

So I told him that although I didn’t want us to rely on each other for our dieting, I would love to do the Dukan Diet with him. We talked about how unhappy we are with our weight gain, how confident we felt when we were thinner.

We talked about how we both hate how our clothes feel tighter, and he explained to me that he wasn’t happy I said I didn’t want to diet with him.

Which started a bit of an argument… since all I said was I didn’t want us to be dependant on each other, that way neither of us could sabotage the others efforts. In the end he told me he understood what I was trying to say and that once again, he would love to diet with me, lose weight together, and be happy again.

Well I am glad I decided to diet on my own you guys. -.- I am REALLY disappointed to be honest but Prawn hasn’t had a day without cheating once. In fact, he went to his parents and pigged out and brought home baegals (oh wait… I totally have told you guys this already… I just remembered I wasn’t entirely sure how to spell baegals but I posted anyways. XD) I do have new information though.

Last night I came home to nachos having been made and 3 bags of chips. He had friends over and I guess they ate at the apartment… The half empty (mostly empty) bags are still on the kitchen table. I’m having a hard time moving them and I told Prawn to deal with it. I hope when I go home on my lunch that they are gone.

Still baegals in the fridge, and margarine… and I totally want to eat them but I wont.

It’s just disappointing. I thought we were going to do this together. The other day after he cheated I asked if he felt good having cheated, and if it was worthit.

He was obviously embarrassed and after avoiding the conversation for a bit informed me that ‘he had made good decisions all day’…

I said, yeah but that doesn’t make it okay to overeat later and stray from the diet. All of a sudden you have broken your day of eating right all day… right?

He said, ‘no I made good decisions all day, including the baegal.’

So I don’t understand. When you know something works if you don’t stray and cheat, and you know the results you COULD be having if you don’t eat that baegal… why do we eat the baegal, and then justify it as ‘not that bad of a decision’ or GAWED forbid… a good one?

xoxo

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