A Few Words About Surgery

I have a few things I want to touch base on in this post including surgeries I will have, plan on having and why, and my problems with Canada, and it’s surgery procedures.

My Issues with the Canadian Health System Regarding Weight Loss Surgeries

In Canada, to prevent obese and overweight people from clogging up the healthcare system, we do have free stomach stapling surgeries offered. My problem isn’t with that. There is a large wait time, but you can get it done for free and if that is your only option, well I have no issue with this. My problem is, when someone like me (although as you can see from my photos, I do not have a lot of loose skin) who takes it onto themselves to unclog the health care system, by losing the weight on their own, not costing the country anything medically, and who might get a lot of loose skin during this weight loss, isn’t covered for any surgeries to reduce this loose skin.

So, even if through stomach stapling you get a lot of loose skin, due to many things including age, hydration, rapid weight loss, you can’t do anything about it unless you have the income to get the surgery done for yourself. It’s considered a cosmetic surgery when I don’t believe that is the case.

I know of several people who lost a lot of weight, and suffered terrible emotional strains due to their new lack of self esteem, when the opposite should be the case. You lose the weight, you gain confidence in a new sexier, healthier body. No? Well when someone loses a great amount of weight, gets that loose skin, mentally it just shocks you. You get embarrassed of this loose skin. I have not only heard it from people such as myself who did drop the weight rapidly, but also, I mean I can tell considering the small amount of loose skin I had made me ashamed of my body, and made it hard for me to be intimate with people, for me to wear certain clothes, and for me to be comfortable with myself. So yes, I can only assume that if you have worse loose skin than I, along with the lack of confidence that comes (generally) with being overweight and obese, that this loose skin will make it worse. I have heard of men too ashamed to take their shirts off after weight loss because of the loose skin on their stomach, which although gets reduced with time and hydration, never gets better. Women who don’t want to go out, meet someone, bring them home. Who have trouble with relationships because of the shame of this hanging, loose skin.

You lose the weight, through an emotional and difficult process, then once it is gone instead of getting that sexy body, and the confidence that should come with a new, healthier body, you are riddled with a psychological self consciousness, about this skin. I have heard of some people, thinking that they were better looking when they were obese, with no loose skin, gaining the weight back SIMPLY because their new bodies disgusted them, and they felt like they might find a partner in life easier as a fat person, than as a thinner person with these loose skin issues.

So, they gain the weight back, or suffer through all this emotional abuse to themselves really, clog up the system again, or live their lives unhappy with the bodies they worked so hard to achieve, because of their skin. Literally feeling uncomfortable in their new skin, and always dealing with the… well did I look better before? Wanting to gain, and then proceeding to yoyo through their lives with their weight, never getting that confidence.

So, if stomach stapling is free in Canada, should surgeries to help the appearance of loose skin be as well? Considering it really is a psychologically tormenting issue with a lot of people who do drop the weight, and help unclog the health care system here? I think so, and this is really an issue that bothers me, since getting rid of loose skin cosmetically is considered more of an ascetics thing. It just rots me.

My Surgery, Vein Stripping

I am genetically predisposed, as well as… well shooting myself in the foot with my prior obesity, for varicose veins. I have several down both my legs that are quite prominent as well as being very painful. 

There is a constant pressure on my legs. They get swollen with minimal walking, and I find I need to sit down after long periods of standing, because the swelling and pressure is so bad, sometimes even a sharp pain.

After years of suffering with this I saw my doctor who referred me to vein doctor, who sent me for an ultrasound, and I was told that I do have a few options. I will make a post on this at a later date, but the decision has been made to strip both my saphenous veins (the major vein going down both legs, down the center, from crotch to toe). This is a big surgery, there is only one surgeon in Ottawa that does it, and the waiting list to even see him, is booked until at least January of next year.

So that’s a thing. I will be getting them removed, I need to wear support hose every single day, and all because I went up to almost 300lbs and busted a bunch of the valves in my legs, which cannot be fixed, only temporarily fixed or removed. It’s a terrifying thought, this surgery, but it needs to be done, and it could have been avoided. Like I said, more on this at another time. 

Lastly, Why I Want Breast Augmentation Surgery

I’m going to apologize in advance for this long post, all this has just been on my mind nonstop. So I have been thinking, well since my weight loss, about getting breast augmentation surgery. I have talked about it at length with my boyfriend, but this is something I have wanted way before meeting him, only now it seems I will have more of the funds to achieve this dream and goal of mine.

Weight loss, for me personally, didn’t take a hit at my confidence in the loose skin region (although it did) as much as in the boob region. I was criticized by my ex for having lost my breasts, as well as feeling self conscious around any man I was approached by in the time I was single about them.

Because when you go from an E cup, where the only compliment you ever hear about your body is “those giant tits” (which I now know… is no compliment at all) to having loose, stretch mark ridden, and saggy A cups, which have no appeal at all… constantly hearing in your early twenties that girls in their early twenties, even the small breasted ones, should have perky breasts, or full breasts, or what have you…

Being compared in your relationship to women with larger breasts and being told that you were so much hotter when you were obese, and at least had boobs…

It takes a toll on you.

You never want to take your shirt or bra off with a man, you don’t want them touched or complimented, because you know it’s just bullshit and they look terrible, it puts a strain on you, your confidence. You want to always wear double pushup bras when you are out, you feel awful about your results and then, well the yoyoing starts. I gained and lost the same 30lbs for… almost a year now. Feeling incredibly self conscious about not only my skin, but my breasts.

And so, I decided a while ago I wanted breast augmentation surgery, not E cups, don’t get me wrong, but a sensible C, to help balance out my body, and boost my confidence.

Not that I need confidence to pick up guys, and not that my boyfriend minds my boobs even a little. But I need it for me since it’s something that is always on my mind, and prevents me from living a happy, confident life, and maintaining this weight loss.

When I first met my boyfriend, and I don’t want to say this is the only reason, but I gained 50lbs in the first 4 months of dating him. I was eating what he ate, I wasn’t watching my diet, and I went from an A cup to a D cup and I loved my breasts but hated my new, fat body. And still do.

We are both losing weight, in fact we have a little competition this week to see who can lose the most… his idea, he really is a sweetheart (he knew I was having trouble last week with the diet), but in the back of my head I am TERRIFIED to lose these ‘new’ bigger breasts. I know he will still love me, but I am afraid it will shatter my confidence… again.

I know, in my heart he will love me, and he wont be like others who pointed out other women… said their breasts were much nicer, bigger, than mine… he wont get nostalgic about my old breasts and make me feel like shit. But the thought will always be in my head. For that reason… I look forward to and am saving for this surgery.

Because psychologically it will help me get my weight under control and I will have no reservations about losing the weight again, and keeping it off.

This isn’t something I am rushing into. I have a lot of money to save up, and I would like to prove to myself that I can lose the weight and maintain the weight loss for an extended period of time before I even approach a surgeon about this breast augmentation. I am looking to get it within the next 5 years. I want to make sure I am mentally prepared, and like I said, proving to myself that, with the thought of these eventual breasts in the back of my mind, that this is something that will make a difference in my confidence and that this is something I want, and that my weight loss is something I can maintain over time.

*****

What are your thoughts on any of the above? How have you been? Sorry for the long post once again, love you all!

-Constance

New Weight Low, Exciting!

Weighed myself this morning after a really good and strict food day yesterday… I am at a new weight low! What!? I never thought I would lose more than my 110 lbs. Just didn’t seem like a reality. Especially since now I am working out and gaining muscle.

I was aware that at 5’6.5″ I would probably need to get down to 137 lbs for my competition, lose another 20 lbs. But I didn’t really think my weight would drop this early, I just kindof figured my body had dropped what it could and that was that.

Well my surprise when I weighed myself this morning! I have to say, I have had a giant smile on all day. I haven’t seen that number go down in… well since February 6th. I hit consolidation at 154.8 lbs and hadn’t seen my weight go below 155 lbs since.

It fluctuated and went all the way up to 161 lbs, but mostly stayed between 156-160 lbs.

My weigh in this morning: 153.6 lbs! Whaaaaaat?

I’m pretty happy. I must be doing something right to have broken through this plateau, since I have been eating incredibly strictly for weeks now and with all the gym-time I am logging in.

Anyways.

Just wanted to share. I guess that means I’m up to… 111.2 lbs lost. XD Little successes.

xoxo

Unhappy With Your Weight VS Unhappy With Your Physique

Earlier today I typed up a post about how I was going to go back to the start of the Dukan Diet and lose another 20 lbs. I had the whole thing typed up. I was going to start my attack phase the day after I returned form my vacation and that was that, and no matter what anyone would say to me, I could still lose 20 lbs and be at a healthy weight and if anyone had anything to say about it they were wrong because blah blah blah.

Well then, you must be wondering what happened.

I had people saying go for it, I had people saying don’t. I wasn’t listening to those who said don’t. I was still doing it. I’m currently right at the tip for a normal and healthy BMI. I could lose 20 lbs and still be normal and healthy, there are people way thinner than me and no one looks at them and says “Boy she is way too skinny!” No, I could be thinner and it would be healthy.

I was pissed off actually, with the people who said don’t do it… Because you know what, if I had always weighed this (155lbs at 5’6.5″) and said I wanted to lose 20 lbs then people would be so happy that I was being more health conscious. But because I started off so heavy and have already lost 110 lbs, I feel like people are thinking negatively of my frame of mind, thinking I had changed my eating disorder from overeating to undereating as so many people do, or even that I am addicted to the weight loss.

I think I then realised that I am thin. I might hate my body, a lot. A lot a lot a lot, but I am thin. So I think I need to realise that I am unhappy with my physique and not my weight.

What I am trying to say is that I need to work out, and get fit. This might make me lose more weight and that would be amazing… but it shouldn’t be about the number.

Now I have tried too many times to hit the gym consistently. I have tried having a gym partner, motivating myself, writing about it every day on facebook to keep me accountable, signing up for classes I enjoy, tried changing gyms to a gym I prefer. Nothing works for me. If you have been reading my blog you will know that I do not have the willpower for the gym. I might have done this harsh, strict diet and lost 110 lbs without cheating… but when it comes to the gym, forget about it.

I think I have decided that I will get a personal trainer. They are so expensive, really ridiculously overpriced… but I think I have exhausted all my other resources. I just simply cannot force myself to go and when I do go, I cheat at my workouts and half-ass it like crazy.

I need someone in my face, I need to make the appointment and feel guilted into staying and working out hard. So I’m going to look into it, and get a personal trainer. Fml.

Ahhh what an emotionally draining day, really.

Any tips and tricks to stay motivated when it comes to exercise? Anyone?

xoxo

Losing Your Breasts

Went down from a 40E (Beige) to a 36B (Black)

This is a huge concern for a lot of bigger-breasted women who are gaining weight or have gained. They don’t want to diet because they are afraid of losing weight in their breasts. I will tell you my story:

Being a bigger woman with tiny friends, when we went out dancing, or to bars, I felt like they would get hit on, danced with. I would not. Makes you feel really unnattractive. When guys would take notice of me, anywhere, it was because of my breasts. The only compliment I would get paid is that I had ‘nice tits’ or ‘Woohoo Double Ds!’ I am saying here, that these were compliments, but really… they weren’t. Those aren’t real compliments… anyways.

When working out, when I was larger, I was really reluctlant to do any chest exersises because I didn’t want to lose any of my only good feature. I would wear clothing that showed it off, I would strut around because I had the DDs and eventually E cups, so I was pretty too.

While losing the weight I was petrified of losing my breasts, and of course, they started shrinking, along with the rest of my body (if not faster). I was really upset in the begining and only recently came to terms with my new flat-chestedness.

When I was fat I associated myself with my breasts. These were the only things I liked about myself. Now that I have lost the weight I can say that I am not my breasts. I like my new body a lot more than I ever liked my breasts. My collarbone shows and I think that’s really sexy. I can feel my bones, my face is much prettier, I feel healthy and good looking (when I’m having more confident days).

& the ‘compliments’ have also changed. Although not a single person would tell me I have nice tits… ever again (thank goodness), I have been called ‘stunning’ (something, let’s be honest, I never in my life thought I would be called by anyone), gorgeous, have beautiful eyes, tiny waist, skinny-mini, pretty, slim, beautiful, the list goes on and so does my ego. ;)

These are all so nice to hear and you know what, they beat out ‘nice tits’ anyday.

xoxo

Length of Phase 3 and Weight Rebound

So, your body always remembers the heaviest its ever been. It is always trying to get back to that heaviest weight. This is why, when you finish a diet and start eating like you normally would, you gain weight. Your body is assimilating calories more effectively. A chocolate bar you would have eaten before dieting might be 100 cal but after the diet you would take in 110-120 cal for the same chocolate bar.

Dr Dukan suggests that to trick your body into thinking its new weight is its new “heaviest” weight, you should do phase 3 for 5 days for every pound you lose. Its very important to do this so that you do not gain the weight back. Why would you do all this hard work for nothing, right?

Now, I was really afraid to go onto phase 3, I was afraid that I would simply gain all the weight back once I started eating my bread, the starch meal, the celebration meal, everything. I was told by a couple people that I should not worry, and could never gain 110 lbs back just by eating two slices of bread a day and cheese. Still, I have been petrified. It is my greatest fear right now to gain all the weight back.

I’m here to put your fears at rest. I have been on phase 3 for almost 3 weeks and after weighing myself this morning I have gained less than a pound since starting this phase. Woohoo! Looks like I’m succeeding in maintaining the weight! I just need to keep it up for another… 532 days :P

I will let you know periodically through phase 3 if my weight does end up going up, down or stays the same. I think it was my biggest block when starting the diet, the fear of gaining it all back. If I can put your worries to rest, it might keep you on track. This is the last test to see if the Dukan Diet is a successful one, becuase losing the weight is half the battle, you also have to keep it off.

xo